I don’t know what a meme is, so don’t ask me. All I know is I’ve been infected by it through the evil powers of Rik Roots, who should be poked with a sharp fork.

It is my task to tell you of five of my weird habits, which is difficult. Not that I don’t have weird habits. I’m sure I do. But how the hell do I know?

5. I say nonsense words to myself and often make up songs involving them. That’s right, there is a very noisy two-year-old living inside my noggin. She giggles.

4. I have to open computer programs in order. If the task bar does not show the programs in the correct order, I have to close down whichever programs are necessary to make it right. Only icq, which doesn’t use the task bar unless a window is open, is safe from this requirement.

3. I get a shot every three months and the nurse puts a band-aid on my arm. I can’t take off the band-aid. It has to fall off on its own. And for some reason, my skin on my bicep must be very adhesive, because that sucker might take days. They use those foam-backed bandages that could stick you to the wall if you aren’t careful.

2. If I’m expecting company and they don’t show up by the time I expect them, I assume they are dead. I have trained myself not to make pronouncements any more about said deaths, but I’m still absolutely convinced, each time, that they are dead. Last night: “Gee, Steve should have been back from the movie an hour ago. That’s it. He’s dead. The phone will ring any second, telling me of his death. This sucks. I wanted to go to Vegas.” Okay, I’ll admit that this reaction isn’t precisely the reaction I would have if I knew someone were dead, but this list is supposed to be about weird things, and I have a feeling this is weird.

1. I have a love of cauliflower that borders on pathological. I’ll take some chicken stock and cook a bag of frozen cauliflower in it and eat it from the pan. The sense of well-being I get from cauliflower cooked in chicken stock mustn’t be examined too closely else the power may fade away. Damn. Now I’m hungry.

I’m not going to tag anyone because most of the people I know have already been tagged or would resist tagification. But if anyone wants to play, I’ll put a leetle linkski right here so they’ll get readers who will laugh and point and mock them for their strange ways. Gabriel, I’m lookink at you.