There’s a reason people don’t know certain facts about me. The reason is that they would fall into a coma with boredom if I told them.

But I have discovered that I was tagged with a meme lo these many weeks ago, and I am supposed to share five little-known facts. I natter on about myself so much that I’ve probably mentioned just about everything about me, so if you already knew these facts, tough noogies.

1. I sob inconsolably at books and movies if they are even remotely sad. One of my favorite books is Charlotte’s Web but I won’t go see the movie version. Not because I’m afraid of what they will do to it, but because I wouldn’t be able to writhe on a sticky theater floor if it’s as sad as the book.

2. I taught myself to play the piano after listening to my mother play. I begged her to teach me, but I wouldn’t pay any attention when she wanted to teach me about scales and keys. I just wanted to play the beautiful song she was playing. Finally, she just said, “Fine!” and showed me the starting key for each hand. I had to learn the notes by counting where they were in relation to E. I still play the song: “Fur Elise,” by Beethoven. She wanted me to take lessons but I refused. I regret that now, but I don’t think I have the discipline to do it.

3. If I’m expecting someone and they’re late, I assume they’re dead. No, I’m not exaggerating. “My sister was supposed to be here ten minutes ago. Whelp, she must be dead.”

4. If I go two days without cauliflower, I crave it desperately. I’m a cruciferous vegetable junkie. I would rob banks for the stuff.

5. I think poetry takes more brains than I’ve got. See, you might have known that it does, but I’m telling you that I think so, too. I’m a very shallow thinker.