Thanks, everyone, for your kind comments on Isaac the cat’s death.
I feel like I let her down. She was sick before Steve died. She had stopped eating and it turned out one of her teeth had gotten so bad that she found it too painful to eat. That meant that her liver started failing, but we were too blind to see it.
We had just gotten her home on the Friday before he died, so on Monday I ended up having to take her right back to the vet to beg them to take care of her for a couple of weeks until she was, and I was, strong enough to survive.
She finally came home, stressed and anxious, but happy to be there. And she was thriving for a couple of weeks. Then I found the lump, the cancer on her jaw that might have been the reason for the dental problems in the first place. They could have done surgery, perhaps saved her, but her long stays at the vet had made her attitude so precarious I knew she wouldn’t stand for it. And I didn’t have the knack of handling her. I didn’t have Steve’s gentle patience. I get too upset, take it too personally.
It feels as if all of my flaws are on display in my life, as if every inability I have is finding some way to gain some final, tragic importance.
Next, we’ll discover my inability to enjoy “Twilight” has given a Tibetan yak farmer the grippe.
And yes, before you ask, I am being very self-pitying and I’m fully aware of it. Just–at least if you raise yaks–wash your hands. Take your vitamins. And duck, okay? Just duck.