But that isn’t what woke me.

My Spidey sense told me that the noise I was hearing was my trashcan rumbling down the street. And I was right.

How did I know it was my trashcan and not my neighbor’s trashcan or, indeed, a Trashcan of Unknown Provenance? That is another mystery for the ages. But I knew. I was asleep then awake then fully aware that there was a danger to my trashcan, and it took the form of a Dodge Neon.

The lesson in all of this? If vandals steal my trashcan I’ll know, and I’ll hunt them down and do inhuman things with elbow macaroni and a cd of Aaron Neville. Don’t say you weren’t warned.