What Steve doesn’t know is that there is a theme to his Christmas presents. He won’t even know it after he unwraps them. And then I’ll stupidly try to explain, and then he’ll stare at me as if the Eiffel Tower were suddenly springing from my eyebrows, and then I’ll regret trying to explain and also regret the extra twenty or so dollars I spent to bring the theme together in a very inexplicable way.

Yes, I think about this stuff too much. I should just give him food.