Approximately once a year I put on sandals.  I wear them for a few hours, then say, “Huh.  I guess that’s why I don’t wear sandals,” and then I take them off and put them in the closet.

Today I’m wearing sandals.  I’m obsessed with the idea that I’m going to drop something on my toes and crush them like ants.  Like exceptionally big, pale ants.