I receive recipes in my email every day, and since Thanksgiving started looming I’ve been receiving Thanksgiving-appropriate recipes. What does this really mean? Recipe after recipe of cranberry relish.

Listen, people. I don’t want your steenkin’ cranberry relish. I want canberries. If it isn’t shaped like the can, it does not get a place on my plate. You don’t have to eat them. That leaves more disks of jellied goodness for me.

Canberries. It’s what’s for (Thanksgiving) dinner.