My normal good humor seems to be reasserting itself. I had the most traumatic experience of my life and am adrift and alone. How can I be mostly cheerful?
I’m finding in some ways I’m putting on a more serious face in public than I wear in private. The smiles of a clown when no one’s around just sounds creepy, man.
Part of me wants to know what sort of emotionally stunted monster could be in a good mood three months into widowhood. Part of me is willing to be a monster if that’s what it takes.
Grieving is such a bizarre process; it turns your head upside down. I don’t think it’s at all strange that you can be in a good mood. I hope they come more frequently and stay longer as time passes. That’s what matters, after all.
You spring load my outlook Julie.
If you’re ever in Southern Oregon … having been abducted by aliens … stop in, we’ll chase some quail and tease my cats.
I’m glad you’re feeling mostly cheerful and I fail to see how it could possibly be anything but a good thing.
Hey Julie – I missed your birthday? Bad Rik!
You’re not an “emotionally stunted monster” – that Llama that used to feature on this very website, lurking on the right hand bit of the screen ready to maliciously spit cud at any innocent visitor passing through, that Llama was an “emotionally stunted monster”.
What you seem to be displaying is all the classic symptoms of “being human”. Now I’ve been studying humans for quite a while now – I admit, they do fascinate me – and the good news is that going down with a bout of “being human” is not as dangerous as it sounds. Indeed, current medical literature suggests that the condition can be managed quite effectively without the need to medicate, though if you progress to stage three of the condition (inappropriate giggling, hugging strangers – that sort of thing) then maybe you should either cut back or increase the alcohol intake, as appropriate.
I know many folks who have suffered episodes of “being human” and the good news is that they’ve all make good, sustained recoveries – the occasional relapse aside, of course. My best advice? Enjoy the experience while it lasts, much like a good bottle of cava.
Great news. Don’t worry about being a monster. The grief is yours to keep, but you can do other things as well.